Emotions are Neither Good or Bad
When it comes to emotions, what if I pose the statement, that no emotion is intrinsically bad… What difference would it make, if we could reframe our perceptions and experience of emotions into just being ‘emotions’; neither good nor bad? It just is… Yes, some emotions feel very strong/ has quite the charge to it and it can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t necessarily make it bad.
So, I’ve explored this concept of ‘Good vs Bad’ emotions with some of the students I engage with… Most of the time they would confirm the current status quo- that there are ‘good feelings’ and there are ‘bad feelings.’ We would then continue to list these emotions within their respective category; afterwards, I would ask them why they categorised it in that way. What I have noticed then, is that most of the time, they would speak about the reaction to the feeling rather than the feeling itself… In other words, how I react when I experience the emotion could be potentially bad/harmful. You see, if we really delve deeper, we come to realise that it is not the emotion (aka the sensations in the body) itself that causes suffering, but rather it is the thoughts, ‘the story’ that we attach to the emotion as well as the particular response that could be harmful to oneself and/or others….
When I point this out to students, it seems like there is a little light bulb that gets switched on. Accordingly, when I provide an example of where something like “anger” can also potentially be ‘good’, then I can see, they are beginning to understand this more.
The reason why this is important is, because if we can practice (and it does require multiple efforts as well as patience) relating to our emotions differently (as neither good nor bad), our ability to be with ‘what is’, becomes a bit easier. Being present with strong or uncomfortable emotions reduces our tendency to repress them which off course, is a major win for one’s mental health.
So, the next time you feel a particular strong emotion, practice being with it, be aware of the thoughts/ the story that is attached to the emotion and see if you can allow yourself to just be present in your body with what you are feeling, without judgement or criticism. Only with compassion. Accordingly, when you notice a strong emotion in your child, see if you can practice just being with them in that emotion- without the desire or the impulse to want to change it, to fix it, to make it better… Just be with them and allow them to feel what they need to feel.
