Patterns: Nature vs Human Behaviour. 

I’ve been contemplating the concept of “patterns” and how it influences our behaviour. I thought about the relationship between natural patterns we see in nature, in comparison to human behavioural patterns.  Although we as humans mirror nature in many ways, it is not always true in reality; let me explain… In nature we find natural patterns- patterns that are beautiful, mesmerizing, harmonious and expansive.  They are adaptable and even when they are disrupted, they recalibrate and move back into a state of equilibrium… This looks quite differently humans. We often develop patterns as coping mechanisms.  See, as humans when we experience a threat to our safety, we come from a place of survival, conditioning and/or fear and develop ways to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves safe. We often hold onto certain behaviours or thought patterns, believing they keep us safe, even if that’s not true. Unlike nature, we can become ‘stuck’ in these behaviours due to ego, conditioning, insecurity, or cultural narratives.  We resist change, because change means to be in the unknown and ooooh my goodness, do we dislike the unknown… It’s probably THE most uncomfortable place to be. The unknown doesn’t feel ‘safe’.  We tend to choose familiar behaviours because they’re predictable and comfortable, even if they really aren’t beneficial.  It actually limits our growth.

So why am I sharing this? I am sharing this because, it is an invitation for us all to become aware of our own personal patterns. Once we recognize our personal patterns—whether it’s people pleasing, procrastination, or avoiding conflict—we can begin the work to change them… (if you want to off course).  Changing our personal patterns is not only a gift to ourselves, but also a gift to our child(ren).  Because what we model, also shapes your child(ren). When we practice changing patterns that stunt our growth, we show our child that (1) change, even though it is hard, is OK and (2) As we begin to change and grow, our interactions with our children shift as well, influencing their development in new, more expansive ways.

To give you an example, say you have developed the pattern of reacting defensively. With some reflection and introspection, you’ve become aware of this pattern, and you want to change it, since you’ve noticed it escalates conflict. You start doing the work of changing this pattern:  Over time (yes it does take a lot of practice), instead of reacting defensively, you pause, listen and make some changes in the way in which you communicate.  Later, you notice that you can communicate more effectively with significant others. Your nervous system feels calmer, and you become aware that often conflict doesn’t escalate to the extent it used to.  It is not as simple as this I know, but you get the gist.

Can you see how changing your patterns can improve both your relationship (criticizing yourself less for being so reactive) with yourself and with others? By responding differently, you also teach your children healthier ways to communicate and connect.

So, next time when you find yourself thinking, “Why does this keep happening?” try asking, “What within me is contributing to this?”

With curiosity, these questions can help you reflect on your behaviour and become more aware of your patterns… All change starts with awareness

With Care,
Dr Bianke Van Rooyen